I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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