At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
