woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
