I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
