My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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