Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
