he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize