No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
