I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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