my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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