I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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