Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
