Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
