I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
