He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
