since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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