so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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