Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
