im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
