the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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