I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
