just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
