Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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