i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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