it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need to calm my uterus...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
