Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
