The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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