i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
third nipple confirmed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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