Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
