I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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