margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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