I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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