how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
