The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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