Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
