erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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