he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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