farters have to be the big spoon...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
