i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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