dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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