Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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