Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
