I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
