my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
