I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize