He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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