...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
