Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
