I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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