I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
