he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
