when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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