I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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