I looked at my own cervix.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
