No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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