Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
PANTIES FOUND
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
