I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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