He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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