Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
