One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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