Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
