Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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