I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
