Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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