Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
