Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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