Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
