I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize