I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
