I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
