i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
