i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
now i know why i became what i already was.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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