I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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