I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
