Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i think my cat just said my name.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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