You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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