Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
