Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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