I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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