Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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