i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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