The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
