Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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