i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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