I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
