He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
