2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
