Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
