oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize