I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
