I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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