Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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