kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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