things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
