the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
